There Are No Ordinary Words.

60% of all human communication is Nonverbal, meaning body language. 30% comes from the Tone in our voice. This means that what is really coming out of our mouths is just 10%.

By Costly Oma. 

Our Words are like Bullets So To Say

In a world where everyone has something to say and we are all saying one thing or the other, it is pertinent that we all learn and know or become aware of how to choose our words carefully and the tone in our voice correctly anytime we are engaging in a conversation knowing that for the message to be communicated accurately, there must be sound, and tones make up sounds and sounds come in words in conversation. Here is something I call the right choice of words. When the tone is right, the sound is right and when words are carefully chosen, communication is excellent. Don’t you want to get to that point? For me, I always want to be there.

In this article, we will be learning the importance of choosing our words and the tone of our voice correctly when engaging in any form of conversation or communication to achieve excellent communication. We can rest assured that our choice of words in our day to day activities determines how any conversation or communication we engage in goes and in the long run determines the strength of our relationship with whoever we are communicating with. We will be taking a look at statements I call the bedrock of any form of communication and they are basically three, let’s take a look.

The BedRock Of Any Form Of Communication

This is what I defined to be the key factor on which every communication lies and then grows to become the strength of any relationship whatsoever. These are basically three statements as follows:

1. Aggressive statements with varying tones
2. Impolite statements with varying tones
3. Polite statements with a polite tone.

Aggressive Statements With Varying Tones

Simply put, the word aggressive means: very angry or hostile, excessively forceful. Aggressive statements will then mean statements formed with excessively forceful and hostile words, of course, the tone in these statements doesn’t really matter, the result will always be the same whether or not our tone was soft. Most people can be said to be naturally forceful or hostile, maybe because of where and how they grew up, but this reason has never been known to have survived as an excuse because psychiatrists have proven that even the most hostile person, when seeking a genuine love or care, loses every trace of hostility at least for the first few minutes in their approach.

To be hostile can be said to be unaccommodating or unfriendly. That is, outrightly, consciously or unconsciously pushing someone at a distance. Let’s take a look at some instances on this subject matter. Here are some simple aggressive statements

1. Get out or get lost (I call this the GET family). Think of others
2. Let me not hear that again
3. Don’t let me meet you there
4. Don’t call me again
5. Go and sleep
6. I don’t want to see you again.
7. You are crazy
8. Can’t you see me doing something? 
9. Do I look like a plaything?
10. Do I look like your mate?
11. What do I care?
12. Whatever. And many more.

Impolite Statements With Varying Tones

The word impolite is an adjective that simply means not having or showing good manners. I define an impolite statement to be a statement that reveals a bad way of attracting. They may carry positive meaning but are rendered in a bad way with an impolite tone. Again, the tone we use here also does not matter, the result will always be the same with any tone. For example, aggressive statements are unfriendly and tend to repel, while impolite statements may seem to attract but in the wrong way. I have a short story on this to tell but before that, let’s take a look at some simple statements that reveal this subject matter. Here they are;

1. Won’t you come here?
2. Don’t you hear me talking to you?
3. Are you crazy, are you deaf, and are you stupid?
4. What is wrong with you? And so on.

Here is the short story I promised:

For instance, two supposed friends were both aware that a particular event will be taking place at Otukpo and they were working on some documents that pertain to the event, and for clarity and simplicity in documentation, one of them asked how exactly he was to title a particular registry, let’s say; to differentiate participators list from the audience and he was asking if it should be “Participators list, High Praise Otukpo 2013, and Audience list, High Praise Otukpo 2013”? And his friend just exclaimed and said “no, is it taking place in Gboko?” did you get that?

The friend asking knew the event venue and was only concerned about the best arrangement of words for simplicity and the supposed friend exclaimed without thought with an impolite statement because he knew that the young man is from Gboko so he wanted to make a mockery of him in a way. Remember I didn’t say they are friends, instead, I said supposed friends. If they were really friends, they will both know how to talk to each other with some consideration of each other’s feelings per see. 

If you are in any relationship and you are always been talked down whether consciously or unconsciously, my advice is that you flee for there is nothing for you in that relationship, the person is a dream and spirit killer and can never be a true friend. The response of the friend was surely an impolite statement knowing that he was not the one the question was even directed to. Dear readers, enough of this, let’s talk about our next subject matter, polite statements.

Polite Statements With Polite Tones

The word polite originated from Latin called “Politus” meaning polished. The word polite means respectful and considerate towards others; courteous. It also means civilized or well-bred.

Polite statements mean sensible statements of fact formed from carefully chosen respectful and considerate words, having the feelings of those to whom you are talking at heart. These are the kind of statements that form a bond between or among people, anything other than this, destroys relationships no matter the kind of relationship, be it parent and child relationship, business, or friends. Etc. And it does not matter whether you believe it, know it or not. It’s just like the law of gravity, whether or not you believe it; it’s pulling you always to stay on the earth. Let’s see some examples of these statements:

1. In place of saying “Won’t you come here? We can simply say, please come, or please I need your attention here” or the like.
2. In place of saying “don’t you hear me talking to you? We can simply say, I know you heard me right?”
3. In place of saying “are you crazy? We can simply say, I’m sure you are ok”
4. In place of saying” What is wrong with you? We can say, what is the matter? And always say these words with a polite (soft) voice, it doesn’t make you small. Some people deceive themselves by feeling they are polite in their statements because they use a soft tone, which is true, but their words are mostly rude words.
5. For the aggressive statement examples, if you find anyone that you can rephrase to make it polite, please go ahead and do so but on the most part, I will suggest never to find yourself using aggressive statements unconsciously, but consciously use them if and only if you really mean it from your heart and be ready for the consequences.

Have you ever had an exchange of words with someone and you said certain things to him/her and later asked yourself questions like; these words I just said to this person, did I consider how he/she is going to feel about them? And that if these very words were said to me in this circumstance, how would I feel? Will it go down well with me or not? Trust me, no aggressive statement user and impolite statement user has ever known to have accommodated or tolerated such statements even for ones.

Simple rule, just treat others the way you would want to be treated and the world will be a better place. I've heard first-hand experience on this subject matter and like how every other person would feel, it's not a situation we should find ourselves in.

I urge us all to ask ourselves as many of these kinds of questions as possible during or after a conversation or communication and I promise us that in no time, we will begin to curtail such aggressive and impolite statements in our every communication before they fall out of our mouths and then we will be heading towards being excellent communicators.

You know what they say, the first step towards a change is the constant consciousness of the very change.

Politeness

Politeness they say is the practical application of good manners or etiquette so as not to offend others. It can be a culturally defined phenomenon, and therefore what is considered polite in one culture can sometimes be quite rude or simply eccentric in another cultural context. having said that, we should try to know what might be impolite to the people we talk with so we can avoid being impolite to them.

Communication

Now communication as a whole is more than just what we say in words per se. Being a good or an excellent communicator is not just in the good choice of words we use but also in the attitude with which the words were sent, presented or vocalized and this has to do with our gestures and the tone in our voices as at when we engage in any exchange of words.

Tones

Most times, people say the right things but with the wrong attitude and always end up with an undesired result; the wrong outcome. This has a lot to do with tones, the tone of our voice.

“Every polite statement comes with a polite tone but not every polite tone comes with a polite statement” quote me anywhere.

What do I mean by this quote? It is more explanatory when carried out practically: you are crazy, you know you are crazy, or you are a nut. No matter the tone you use to say those words, it will never be ok and will never be welcomed. No matter the smile you put on your face to say such aggressive and impolite statements, it will always make the statement aggressive or impolite as the case may be. Your smiles wouldn’t change what the statement is; the statement is either aggressive or impolite. Smiles have never changed such statements, ever.

Attitude

Attitude can be built in one of these two ways the way I see it:

1. The things you read, the kind of things and people you listen to, give you a way of thinking or a kind of thought and thoughts always get transformed into words, and words into actions, and actions into habit and habit into character and character into attitude. In a way, attitude and character define your destiny.
2. Whether at first you believe in anything you are saying or not, if you say it long enough, it will birth an image (a thought) in your heart or head and the chain continues from there. When the image (thoughts) is formed, it births more words, those words birth more actions, actions beget habit, habit beget character and then the definition of every aspect of your life would be glaring in from of you, seen by everyone but you.

Destiny to me

And this is my definition of destiny; I define destiny to be the definition of who, what, how and where you are and how things are going for you at any given point in time. Let’s not ruin any of our stages in life. My advice on this subject is for us to be careful of:

• The things we read
• The things and people we listen to
• Our circles of influence
• The things we say ultimately. etc.

And we should also take a pause always and ask ourselves the following questions?

• How do I do the things I do?
• How do I act the way I act?
• How do I respond the way I respond?
• And how do I say the things I say?

And in conclusion, I will like to say that knowing what to say or the right thing to say at the right time and how to say what to say will help us build a deep, long and lasting relationship with serious knot bonds, it doesn’t matter the kind of relationship. I wish us all a happy living. 

Communication to me is Seventy Percent (70%) Nonverbal, that's in our attitudes and gestures. Twenty Percent (20%) in our tones and Ten Percent (10%) in our words.

There are no ordinary words. I see words like bullets and we the gun. We can't point a gun at someone, take a shot at the person and hope for the person not to be dead. In the light case scenarios, the person would be seriously injured. 

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