THE DEFINITION OF A TRUE FRIEND

 By Costly Oma.

A True Friend is a Candle Lighter

A lot of people would say I choose my friends. And I think that choosing your friends is just fine. But the question is; can those whom you said to have chosen as friends say also that they choose you as a friend? Does this ring a bell? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. It is easy, very easy to choose someone as a friend but it is not that easy for the one we have chosen as a friend to regard or in turn choose us as friends, this is true even in other kinds of relationships.

Now several people may have the definition of what they think a friend should be, or what they define as a friend, in any case, I respect their definition and will always respect their definition. I, on the other hand, have what I define as a friend and here are several statements I use to define what and who I call a friend.

Some of my definitions of a True Friend

A friend is someone who knows your dreams and aspirations and goes against all odds to see to it in his/her little capacity, that they come to pass irrespective of distance.

A friend is someone who stands by you in public and corrects you in private.

A friend is someone who is not afraid that lighting your candle will make his or her own go dim and goes all out of his or her way to make sure that your candle stays on with no selfish motive.

A friend is someone who when with you or when talking with you, loses every trace of condemning and destructive language and makes use of only words of affirmation, words of encouragement and words of correction when the need calls for it.

A friend is someone who will always stand for you or stand in for you whether or not the stakes are right.

A friend is someone who involves you in every opportunity for growth and increase.

A friend is someone who can die for you or can die in your place.

A friend is an easy-going person. A friend makes life ten times easier. A friend only adds and if he cannot add at the moment, he surely wouldn't subtract. A True Friend is a Candle Lighter.

The Big Question

Am I your friend? Are you my friend? Can I die for you? Can you die for me? Big statements aren’t they? 

I seriously think that a friend, though it’s just a word and it’s the meaning or the connection we give to it that displays what it appears to be. The word friend to me is more than what we often feel it is. I’ve read in one of our religious books, the Bible that Christ Jesus, after calling His disciples friends, washed their feet and died for them and the whole world.

Meditating on what Jesus did, plays a kind of scenario in my mind if His disciples also have had him consciously in mind and ever willing to display Him as a friend or perhaps, something greater than a friend, what would have happened at that point Jesus was washing their feet? 

It would have been a show of friends struggling to wash each other’s feet at the same time.

I know probably that this story might be teaching something else but all the same, what a scenario it would have been. 

Let’s be friends with people and not enemies. Anything other than a friend is not a friend and can be termed as an enemy.

Bible reference on Luke 11:23 and Matthew 12:30, Message Translation says;

“This is war, and there is no neutral ground. If you’re not on my side, you’re the enemy; if you’re not helping, you’re making things worse”

Even if we appear to be the definitions of a friend above but with a selfish reason or motive, we are still not being true friends. Let’s be friends with people or better still, leave them alone.

Let’s put on as many candles as possible while we can because a time might come when we may not have the opportunity to do so anymore. Lighting people's candles wouldn’t make ours go dim. Rather, in doing so, our environment gets brighter and it enables us and the people around us to see better. 

If we decide to not help others light their candles, no matter the brightness of our candle presently, when too many people come around our shining for them to see with its light, they would cast shadows on most areas, and because there are shadows almost everywhere, the light though sufficient, might not seem like it’s sufficient any longer. The shadows would impair our vision and to see with the supposed light would appear difficult even for the owner of the light itself.

Why suffer ourselves, my people? Let’s put on as many candles as we can and keep them burning for a better, clearer and more promising future.

Be a friend and give someone a helping hand today. 

If you can’t take from your friends the same things you give to them, then you are not being a friend. 

If your friends can’t give you the same things they want or they demand from you, they are not being a friend.

If you don’t do to your friends what you expect them to do to you, you are not being a friend.

The golden rule is; only do to others what you would want others to do to you. 

It’s as simple as that. If you want peace, give peace or be peaceful. If you want love, give love or be love. The list is endless. Let’s make and give ourselves a great time all the time, that will bring about a great day and in turn, bring about a great life.

In all, it takes someone who is contented, to be a friend. The mere fact that you are content with your life keeps you interesting.

I pray that when we see and have a true friend, we should be knowledgeable and wise enough to keep them and not push them away.

A candle loses nothing by lighting another.

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