One Thing A Man Expects From A Girl He is Meeting For The First Time

 By Costly Oma.

From life’s experiences, I’ve come to learn that most of us usually don’t care how we respond to people, especially people we seem to be meeting for the first time. We all know that no one likes to eat with a dirty plate. We all would want to wash our plates and have them clean before we can eat with them, yet some of us people expect us to eat with dirty plates before heading to go get them washed.

We all know that we can’t eat our cake and expects to have it back. What happens to the golden rule? I often ask. I know some people would still say who Golden rule help? But the truth is, we shouldn’t treat people like they are trash and expect them not to return the gesture in due time. The way we lay our bed they say is the way we will lie on it.

As humans, whether male or female, we all have expectations. The one giving at any point in time expects a willing and appreciative heart from the receiver. The first cut they say it’s the deepest. First impression matters as much in the two opposite directions.

The first impression attitude with which we give matters as much as the first impression attitude with which we receive. The first impression attitude one expresses when reaching out for a friendly hand matters as much as the first impression attitude the one receiving the friendly hand expresses.

I personally like to call this First Impression (from the one giving or reaching out) and First Response (from the one receiving). It is more likely and more natural for the male to woo the female in most societal settings but in this context, who woos who doesn’t really matter. Whether it is the male wooing or the female wooing. Most times, the one wooing have strategized to wear the best impression possible for him or her to shoot his or her shot with the little opportunity given. If the wooer gets a good first response, he or she wouldn’t feel terrible but if otherwise, of course, we know how that can be.

What I’m trying to say here is, if we ever give anyone wooing a very bad first response, it is advisable to stick to that state of mind for as long as you live. If you think of changing later to succumb to his or her persistent appeals, you should have at the back of your mind that there is a 90% chance for what would happen between you two to not last.

Something that started on a rather unpleasant and disrespectful grounds can only last if the person that is to accept or respond have a high degree of awareness on how he or she started off from and try his or her possible best to consciously make the wooer pardon the excesses that were dished out to him or her during the first attempt he or she made for a promising entwining.

In my experience, most people who have responded in a spirit killing manner during the first time of approach lack the quality to make wrong going things right. I mean, it’s their lack of understanding of such human behaviour that made them do what they did in the first place. This is not to say that some people could not be genuinely absent of a good state at the first instance where they showed the slanderous attitude that resulted in the spirit killing guise of their wooer.

It is only people who were genuinely in such an unbalanced state and have a mostly inherent good attitude in them that can realize the degree and extent of what they did and may be able to reposition things right when the need comes for them to give this person a chance.

I engaged in a conversation with a young lady in her twenties some time ago and her situation was a complete picture of this whole issue. She keeps having people come to her and later they will all withdraw themselves. When we got talking, I noticed that one of the major reasons people who have come to her left afterwards was because of how she responded to these people at the beginning and of course it builds up in the process.

I ask her to take a trip down memory lane, to try to remember and tell me exactly how the last three of her supposed relationships started. As she was narrating, she keeps pausing and recounting and by herself, she began to comprehend her flaws from the beginning. As I was listening to her talk, it came to a point where she wanted to justify herself for responding to her wooers the way she did by saying, ehn, it was because of this their coming and not really staying that made me like that I believe, then I asked her, how about the very first ones? At that point, she became quiet.

Dear readers, before you start crucifying me in your minds and thoughts about this, I know there are a whole lot that can make someone leave when they come to us. Here, I’m trying to address the issue of the First Response of the wooed in conditioning the ultimate state of the wooer about the wooed which will in turn and to an extent determine the overall health of the relationship if it is eventually established. 

In my experience, most females end their prospective relationships even before the relationship started by the choice of words they use in engaging in conversations.

Everyone wants to feel wanted for genuine reasons, be it a girl or a boy. This statement that says to whom much is given much is expected in this context could mean that if a guy spends so much time in trying to prove and convince a girl how much he needs or wants her as the case may be and she finally accepts, the guy's brain in most cases would automatically shift into an expectation mode because he has spent so much time in trying to prove how much he wants her to her. At this point, he would want to feel a level of want from her that could match the amount of time he has spent convincing her. And when that level of want is not felt by him, things might just begin to fall apart.

There is a lot to be said on this subject that I can not probably say in a single writing. There is a song by a Nigerian musician Nigga Raw titled Spiritual Conji. 

I'll like to paraphrase and to keep it clear on what he said in the first verse of that song. In his rap, he said: you will see a girl you really like and work up to her with serious intentions only for the girl to hold her jean tight for no good reason and when the guy begins to get tired and starts to give up is when she would want to say yes.

She only said yes to what may not really matter to the young man again. And when the guy walks away in no distant time she would say he broke her heart. Mr Raw said, the guy only went back with what he brought in the first place.

I'm not against the holding of the jean tight or holding back for a genuine reason. As a matter of fact, I support it but there should be a good approach towards it with the right communication instead of being unreasonably unreasonable in the manner the arguments are laid out.

People say the first impression matters a lot when a guy is meeting a girl for the first time and I think that, the statement is right. My concern also goes to the girl's first response. What makes a girl think that guys are not looking out for first responses from their prospective partners. For me personally, I think that one of the first displays of wisdom that anyone should show should be about what they want.

One thing a man looks out for from a girl he is meeting for the first time is how reasonable is her FIRST RESPONSE and he expects a good first response as girls also look out for FIRST IMPRESSIONS.

That is, be the character you want from others. If you don't want public shame, do not shame others in public. if you do not want public disgrace, don't do that to others in public. Do you want peace? Be peaceful, you want love? Show love. Do you want respect? Show respect. Do you want someone to suffer to get you? You should be ready to suffer to keep them.

There is a lot to be said. I really want you, he would say. Not only does he really want to have you, but if he must have you, it should start on very good ground. The foundation of anything determines the strength, stability and life span of that thing. He is the one coming, don't forget that you have a part to play in its ultimate health.

We can't find a better foundation in relationships outside of very good art in communication. Good communication from the start and beyond might be all that relationships rely on if every other thing according to your belief is intact.

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