Article Content: Use the content below if you find the article lengthy.
- Growing Up as A Kid
- A Phase Shift
- The Uncommon Decision
- At The Counsellor’s Office
- Meeting The Counsellor
- My Day Of Counsel
- The First Day I Gave Counsel
- My Conversation with Counsellor Ejike
Growing Up as A Kid
The circumstances surrounding my growing up triggered the introverted part of me to be more dominant in the early years of my life. I was so calm and quiet up to the extent that the words I say in a day, could be counted if anyone wanted to. Greetings were one of the only things that do part my lips to speak at any time I walk past someone or meet someone, if there had not been greetings, my mouth would not have opened at all most days.
I remember a certain time even as I was a bit grown, I should be about fifteen years of age or there about, I made a whopping eight hours Journey without saying a word or even responding to sounds on the road. Two women were seated next to me, one beacon at the other and they started talking about me in my very present saying.
“Look at this fine boy, he doesn’t talk and he doesn’t hear. Was he born this way or someone did do this to him? And he is travelling alone. Does he even know where he is going? He looks confident though. If it was someone that did this to him then that person is wicked and it will never be well with that person”
You know how women talk, they talked and talked and talked. In their conversation, they claim that I have not given out any sign that shows I hear or speak. After hearing them talk like that about me, I still did not say or do anything that could have given away signs that I hear or speak.
Because of my quietness, I hardly mingle and even when I do, I count my words since I was not the talking type. I still count my words now anyways, so it’s not like much has changed. It is almost like; I find it difficult to speak or should I say stressful to speak.
I lived most of my interesting times in my head while talking to myself most of the time. And because I hardly mingle and hardly talk, I did more thoughts. As a matter of fact, I used to fill “Thinking” as a hobby when I’m required to provide a hobby, in forms I fill, strange, isn’t it?
I took thinking as what I do best and as a result, I do think things and situations through before they even happen to me sometimes and when they happen, I usually don’t see them as being entirely new to me. And please, don’t ask me what my hobby is right now before you hear “Thinking”.
Back To Content
A Phase Shift
Later on, in the higher classes of my secondary school, I started acting or should I say showing to the open what I’ve always thought my life was for or should be for and that is, helping people, assisting people by any means necessary and possible, according to my ability and availability.
When I started showing signs of actively helping people, assisting people by any means necessary and possible, according to my ability and availability, I started talking more than I used to, even though I count my words still. There is no need to say that anyone who counts his or her words when talking would be a slow talker, I was indeed a slow talker and I’m not sure that my talking slow has changed much even now.
In the course of talking more, I started noticing people labelling me as a “Negative talker”. At first, I didn’t mind but when it started getting serious, there should be a course of concern and I started to mind. I started asking questions as to why these people call me a negative talker when I contribute to what they are saying or when I make a suggestion as to what should be done about a matter we were talking about as it opposes their suggestions most of the time.
More often than not, when I say something that is not in line with what they said about a matter, I’ll hear them say and I quote “He has come with his negative talks and suggestions or ideas” as the case may be. And when I’ll ask them why they said what they said, they always use to say “Everyone is saying one thing and you are the only one saying a different thing”. How does saying something different from others categorize someone as a negative talker? How does seeing a different thing from what others are seeing make you a negative seer? How does having a different idea from an idea other people have, make you a negative person? And how does having a different opinion about a matter from an opinion others have, make you a negative person? I used to always wonder.
This continued until I started thinking if there was something wrong with me. I’ll say something I know to be emphatically correct and have people think of me in a different light, it was heart troubling. I used to say to myself, I know my thoughts are right, why is it then they can hardly see things the way I see or why am I not seeing like they are seeing? And instead of us just talking about it and trying to reason together, they would just conclude and start calling me a negative talker, what could be wrong?
It took a serious toll on me when some of my family members started calling me the same negative talker. Then, I remember asking myself if they’ve always been calling me a negative talker but I was too carefree to hear or if it’s just now they started? Trust me, I couldn’t find an answer but I think they just started calling me now. If they had been calling me a negative talker before now, I would have heard and known. I used to tell myself, that I was too conscious not to have heard people calling me a negative talker before his time.
Sometimes I would try to think if they meant something else when they use that statement on me but I couldn’t find any other thing they could have meant labelling me that, other than what the exact meaning of the words of the statement meant, “A Negative Talker”.
Back To Content
The Uncommon Decision
This continued till after my secondary school. I was no longer living with my father at this point so the option of talking to him about it was not there. At this point, when some of my family members I was close to where I lived, joined in labelling me with the same statement that outsiders use to label me, I knew I had to seek help. At this point, I had finished Secondary School and I do use the internet a lot. In the course of me using the internet almost every Friday night to Saturday morning, I have been exposed to the word counsellor and what they do over and over again. I was also presently running a program in a tertiary institution in preparation to get into the university at this time.
At this point when I decided to seek help, I knew it has to be a counsellor so I started scouting for a counsellor. At first, I didn’t even know where to start to look. My father to an extent did train me to handle my issues, especially some bothering questions by myself so I made up my mind that I was going to find one somehow.
When I decide to find a counsellor, I started creating a special strolling time for myself just so I can increase my chances of seeing or meeting a counsellor. On one of the days, as I was taking a stroll in the evening around 4 pm on one of the streets of the city I lived in at the time, I saw a notice on a door post that reads “Barrister Ejike Something – General consulting and Counselling." I can’t seem to remember his second name now, that is why I used something in its place. Pardon me. When I saw this notice, I said to myself, this is it, I must come here to find an answer to why I’m being called what I’m called.
I saw the notice on a weekend at the location and whoever runs the place was not working that day as the place was closed so I made up my mind that I was going to visit this play on the weekdays that follow. My Mondays in school used to be the busiest so I was not able to make it to the place I saw the notice at the door post that Monday. My Tuesday of that week was rather very free as I was able to make it to the place by 1 pm.
Back To Content
At The Counsellor’s Office
When I got there, the place seemed like an office indeed as I saw people seated at a place that looks like where they receive people “Reception Place”, it looked like they were waiting. Besides these people, at a desk was a mature woman flipping through some sheets and I said, that woman must be working here so I walked towards her at the table to make sure I was at the right place.
I got to her and asked her if this was Barrister Ejike’s office and she said yes, and I asked if he does counselling, and she said yes, and I told her I came to see him and inquired if it would be possible to see him? She asked what for, and I said it was personal but I need to see him, then she said I should wait, let her let him know that someone like you is also waiting to see him, I said alright. And then she walked into another room that seemed to be his office. I was at the right place and luckily for me, Tuesdays at the Counsellor’s office coincide with his visitor’s days. I was there on the right day and at the right time.
I walked towards an empty seat and sat down. The office building appeared like it was a three-bedroom building where the place used for the reception was somehow in the middle, the counsellor’s office was on the left wing of the building and another room that seems like a classroom was on the right wing of the building when facing the building from the entrance.
While sitting, I got to know that the lady I spoke with was the counsellor’s secretary as I overheard the other people waiting. The secretary came out of the office she entered and I walked to her again and asked what he said and she told me I should wait so I went back and sat where I was sitting. The secretary keeps calling one after another to go in as one comes out of his office, I looked around and it was obvious that I would be the last person to see this counsellor but I wasn’t moved. I was bent on seeing him no matter how long it took.
After a while, I and the secretary were the only ones in the waiting room, it will soon be my turn I thought. I waited a little longer and the person that went in last was walking out but this time with someone else, I thought, the other person would be the counsellor. Both of them walked out the main door of the building and after a while, the man I thought was the counsellor walked back inside and came right to me where I was seated and said, “I learnt you wanted to see me” and I said, if you are the counsellor, then I needed to see you.
Back To Content
Meeting The Counsellor.
When he came to me where I was seated, one of the first things he asked was, what can possibly bring a child as young as you to come for counselling? I hope you are not here to sue your parents? I told him it was nothing of that sort. We got talking and I told him why I was there to see him, I said. “For some time now, my peers and people I talk with have been calling me a negative talker whenever I make a suggestion or a contribution to something we are talking about and it is getting worse by the day. I’m here to talk with you to find out what the problem is if there is something wrong with me”. The counsellor pulled back a little and said, you can’t be serious. I said I am. And then he said, I can see that you are serious but, no one of your age brackets has ever come to me for counsel before and this issue you’ve brought is rather rare to me. He then inquired about my parents and family and all that, then he said let’s see how this would go.
He asked me if I still have some time to stay out, I said yes, he inquired about my level in school and when I told him, he asked me my age and he wondered how on earth would you be out of secondary school at your age, let alone in a tertiary institution. I told him how my father pushed me to go through school like that and the reasons why he said he did it. The counsellor understood the reason I told him about what my dad said but he still wondered how I managed to even do well. That conversation of my age and class quickly slid and then we moved on from there. Dear readers, I’m not about to mention my age at this point for you before you scream impossible. Happy reading.
The counsellor asked me to stay a little while so I stayed and also helped in packing up the office for closure that day. We talked at length that day, according to him, he was not going to work again that day, that since from the morning hours, he has been talking and filing things. We got talking like he used to always know me. He asked me to drop my school bag in his office and just follow him wherever he walked within and around the office.
I stayed with him that day till office closing hours and when we were about to leave each other, he said, anytime I have time, I should just come around. And I said alright and we bid ourselves goodbye for that day.
I continue seeing him anytime I had time to an extent that I started feeling so close to him. We talked freely and it was easy to talk with him. I must confess, I enjoyed talking with him. The counsellor then should be in his early 60s or late 50s, I couldn't tell for sure since I didn’t know his age but he was pretty much advanced he seemed. We talked almost about everything I could think of. Whatever I saw on the internet that was worth mentioning to him, I would mention it to him and we would talk about it. It went on and quite frankly, at a time I forgot why I went to see him in the first place. I was spending more time with this counsellor and was no longer spending time like that with this set of people who call me a negative talker so for some time, I didn’t hear anyone call me that.
Back To Content
My Day Of Counsel
At this time in my tertiary institution, it was my department's election time and I was vying for a departmental office of the PRO and we are expected to campaign in any little way we can. As a result of the elections and the position I was eyeing to get elected in, it compelled me to do a lot of talking to people during that period. On one of the occasions, while I was engaged in a conversation with some set of students, this talk of a negative talker came up again. It was then that I remembered that I went to a counsellor for help on this matter but instead, we wind up having conversations upon conversations.
At this point that I remembered the help I went to get, I went into my classroom, picked up my bag and headed to meet the counsellor. It was on a Friday and he usually does not have so much to do on Fridays. As soon as he saw me with my countenance, he started laughing. He laughed and laughed; he didn’t even give me a chance to greet him properly and when he was catching his breath, he said, someone just called you that again right? I can see it written all over you. And then, he said, come sit down let’s talk. I sat down and he began.
I have lived most of my life around intellectuals, I have talked to, communicated and counsel more people than I can count. I am a husband and a father. I am the head of my family, both nuclear and extended. I won’t say I’ve seen it all but I can say I have seen enough. In all of my dealings with people, I have never come across anyone with your kind of thinking paradigm who has not read so many books or who has not been trained in a way to think like that by a mentor. And I was like, is that a good thing or not? Do I have a problem? And he said, on the contrary, you see far more than a lot of people let alone your peers and that is a good thing to me but it can also be a bad thing but not to me, to other people who can hardly see as far as you can see. And ultimately, it would become a bad thing for you if you keep staying around those people.
He said, there is one problem that you have though and the problem is, that you like and prefer hitting on the very conclusion of the matter and most of the people you talk with can hardly see to that extent without taking them to that point step by step. And he said, the people too that you talk with, have a problem and the problem is, they don’t know how to ask why. If they do know how to ask why, and then they think that it is irrelevant to ask you why in those responses you give, then they are not even seeing to the point that they can even ask you why. And if that is the case, then it is very bad for you to keep staying around such people. It was at this point that he introduced the book titled “The Power of Why” to me.
He told, me, that I think I’m a slow talker but he would rather refer to me as a brief talker and if he is right, then I will grow in becoming a patient talker. He said a whole lot that I may not be able to say here. One thing he said that I will never forget was that,
“From today, you should not feel bad if you hear anyone call you a negative talker. Just know from now on that, in your mind, you are years ahead of anyone who ever calls you that. You are probably 5 to 10 years ahead of them in your mind. You see to a point where they can't see to at the moment. Don’t you see how I quickly become so comfortable talking with you? If someone is on the same path of understanding with you, communication between you two would be very easy and enjoyable. There’s nothing negatively wrong with you, you are fine, very fine and I wish you were my son”.
His words came to me strongly and in a jiffy, I forgot that I went there angry. He said a lot, the ones I wrote down are the ones I could remember. That counsellor was the first person I heard from that someone can be years ahead of another person in the mind. After that day, the negative calling did not stop but it didn’t make me feel bad any longer. From that day, whenever someone calls me that, it doesn’t matter who the person was, I would say in my heart, “I’m years ahead of you”. Counsellor Ejike was one of the first people who said such sweet words to me apart from my father. You know parents sometimes; you cannot know whether they are saying the truth or praying for you when they say some sweet words to you. I’ve always heard my father say I’m exceptional but you never can tell with parents.
Apart from Counsellor Ejike, when I was much younger, a man who's name I will like to withhold for now, calls me “smart boy” almost every time he sees me but that was the only thing, he calls me. One of these days, I’m going to write some I’ll title “The Smart Boy” that will tell that story.
Back To Content
The First Day I Gave Counsel
Life and communication continued like that between me and Counsellor Ejike until he requested for me to be in his office on a Saturday morning, around 9 am. I wondered why I should be at his office on a Saturday in the first place. I thought, do we want to clear the compound or something, but then, he had people taking care of the environment. He doesn’t always be at the office on Saturdays, but on this one that he is personally requesting, I should be at the office on Saturday? I thought about why and what I should be doing there by his request but nothing tangible came to mind. I told myself to stop thinking and let me just wait and see.
The Saturday morning came and I headed to his office after completing my house chores that morning. Unlike me, I got to the office a little later than he said I should be there. I can’t say the exact time I got there but I know it was well past 9 am.
When I got to the office, the door of the entrance was partially open so I entered. When I entered, the secretary was not there and her table looked like she did not come to the office that day. When I moved into the centre of the waiting room, I saw that Counsellor Ejike was with some people in his office, although, I didn’t know how many they were. Still, I could say I saw two people. In the other room to the right, I saw some women, I still couldn’t tell how many they were. When Counsellor Ejike saw me, he excused himself and came to meet me in the waiting room. I greeted him and apologized for not coming at the exact time he asked me to. He told me not to worry and that I was not too late.
Then he said, look there, pointing to the room on the right side. I want you to go in there and have a talk with those women. Just a regular conversation, your style of conversation, I’ll be with you guys shortly, And I said alright. I got up and entered the room and then I saw that the people inside are all women and that they are five. I greeted them and find myself a chair and then I told them, Counsellor Ejike said I should come and discuss with you people until he comes.
Immediately after I said that Counsellor Ejike said I should come to talk with you people until he comes, these five women said “what?”. One of the women with a car key in are hands got up and went out the door. Shortly after, I heard her talking to Counsellor Ejike right outside the entrance of the room we were in so we could all hear her. She was saying something like “you told us that you were expecting someone to come and have our Saturday session with us this week, is it this child that you were referring to? This is only but a child, what does he know to talk about on family related issues?” She was ranting. While she was ranting, Counsellor Ejike was trying to calm her down to have her listen to him. Finally, she gave him a listening ear and Counsellor Ejike started to talk to her.
When Counsellor Ejike started talking to her, he gradually walked with her to the entrance of the room itself as he was saying “Madam, and all of you, pointing and facing the other women still sitting in the room. I’ve talked with you individually now for four weeks and I believe that we have made progress. I said I would be having a general thing with all of you today and possibly, someone will come and have a conversation with you all. And yes, he is the one. I’ve talked with this young man for weeks now and believe me when I say, he does blow my mind as to some of the ideas he has about things. I’m not easily surprised but this young man keeps giving me that, every time I talk with him. The family is made up of a man, woman and children. Take it like you are conversing with him and listen to whatever he would have to say as a child in the family circle. If it turns out that you wasted your time, I’ll refund all your money, just listen to him”.
At this point, it is worth noting that, I always carry a book. A book I use to write down my thoughts on the go, so like every other day, I was with my book and a pen. I went for all-night browsing on Friday against this very Saturday and it was that book I also went to the an-night browsing with.
After the lady was told by Counsellor Ejike to just have a conversation with me and if it turns out that they wasted their time, he was going to refund them their money, she reluctantly came and joined the other women and I believed that Counsellor Ejike went back to his office to continue with the people he was with. I know now that I was supposed to have a conversation with these women on family related issues and I cannot disappoint Counsellor Ejike for putting so much trust and confidence in me. I had to be both ready and prepared.
When the woman came and joined the other women, she turned to the other women and started questioning the other women saying “Can you believe that? This is a child; I have people in the house that are by far his senior. Can he know this and that? And this and that in a family setting?” as she was saying those this and that’s, I opened my book and started jotting her points down. Shortly, the other woman joined in the conversation and all they were doing was saying and narrating their problems to one another asking if I could ever know something about those things to talk about.
As they were talking, I was busy jotting down point after point and I thought, how fascinating that these women were just telling me all their problems without me even getting to ask. What a wonderful way to hear all those problems I was supposed to talk to them about.
After I listened for a while, I noticed that they've started repeating themselves. At that point, I knew that they may have finished more than 80 per cent of the things bothering them. After noticing that, I still waited for a little while and then, since their points are now being repeated still, I had to cut in with some clearing of the throat. After I cleared my throat more than one time, their voices died down and then I greeted them again. I must say, I smiled after I greeted them.
That was one thing with me then, I’m not sure if it has so changed now. I always smile, chuckle or possibly laugh almost before and after I ask someone something or after I respond to a question and this day was not an exception.
When I cleared my throat and their voices died down and I greeted them, I smiled and possibly chuckled. I started from the point number one I jotted down and talked about
- What I think could have possibly generated such problems in the home
- Who and who it will affect more?
- How it would affect them now and in the long run.
- What they can consciously do to reduce the effect
I went on like that from the first point to the last point I jotted down. When I was done, I could see that they could not move for a while. I wasn’t particularly expecting them to ask me any questions though since the whole conversation thing started the way it started, but then, my father has always told me that “whenever you find yourself in a position of telling someone something or requesting something from someone, make sure you try as much as possible to give answers to every possible question that might arise in your rendition.” That way he says, “makes people you talk with to have almost zero questions to ask you when you are done.”
What he meant there was that, I shouldn’t ask someone to buy me Mineral Drink and expect the person to ask me if it is Coke, Sprite or Fanta. He said I should always be as specific as I can be by specifying the kind of Mineral Drink and if it were today, I knew he would have asked me to specify if it would be a bottle or plastic Coke. And so far, I’ve tried in my little way to always be as specific as I can when I’m saying things if the person listening has the patience and interest to listen.
These women sat still there for a while without a word looking at me and themselves then one got up and the three others got up and followed her out of the room. I could tell they went and saw Counsellor Ejike but I didn’t hear what they talked to him about. Before I could stop thinking and processing what these women might be talking to Counsellor Ejike about, I heard a sob. The woman remaining (which was the woman that went and confronted Counsellor Ejike at first of bringing a child to talk to them) was crying. Tears were rolling down her chicks. She would momentarily hold herself and say “you”. It continued like that until she said at some point “I wish you were my son.” I didn’t particularly know what to say to a woman crying so when she said, “I wish you were my son”, I used that opportunity to say one or two words to her.
I said, I don’t know how many children you have and I don’t know them but I think that your children may even be better than I am if you look closely and allow them to express themselves freely and respectfully. Will it surprise you if I tell you that the people I live with, don’t know that I can be like this? It takes the seniors to bring out the true potential of the younger ones.
As soon as I finished saying what I had in mind to say to her in response to her statement of wishing I was her child, I saw Counsellor Ejike standing by the entrance of the room. When she saw him, she got up and went straight to him saying, this was the best session I ever had. Counsellor Ejike was like, I told you, the other women also said the same thing, and she said, yes you did. Then she asked, where did you find him? And Counsellor Ejike told her, that would be a story for another day. She told him, thank you, she fiddled with her car keys and left.
Back To Content
My Conversation with Counsellor Ejike
After she left, Counsellor Ejike walked into the room and said, that was why I asked you to come here today. I asked Counsellor Ejike why the woman cried the way she did and Counsellor Ejike asked me what I think. Honestly, I didn’t know any reason to say it was the reason.
But now I think that she acted the way she acted because her situation was probably hitting her at places, she didn’t want it to hit her. I left Counsellor Ejike and went home. I needed to take a little nap for the all-night browsing I went so I left.
My relationship with Counsellor Ejike continued like that. For the remaining few weeks I was to still be in town, I kept seeing him but he didn’t give me any other opportunity to talk to his clients, maybe he didn’t have any situation that would have warranted such counsel though.
After a few weeks, I went to another city for I.T (Industrial Training). Before I got back from my three months I.T, Counsellor Ejike had relocated from where he used to be and we lost touch till this very day I’m penning this down. At that time, phones just entered Nigeria via the launching of the GSM systems and not many people had one, me included. I wouldn't know if Counsellor Ejike had one, what I know was that, I never saw him with one and I didn't even have his email address.
I can’t tell if he is even still alive. The only thing I know about him is this his name, Barrister Ejike. I don’t even know his other name or the exact state he’s from. I only know that he is from the eastern part of Nigeria. I wish I can meet him one more time. He opened my mind and eyes to see that I have the potential to become a counsellor at such an early age.
Comments
Post a Comment